It was written as an open letter to the Christian Fellowship's mailing list, but I've made some edits for d'NAer readership here.
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Calling
For He says to Moses, “I WILL HAVE MERCY ON WHOM I HAVE MERCY, AND I WILL HAVE COMPASSION ON WHOM I HAVE COMPASSION.”
So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy.
On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, “Why did you make me like this,” will it?
Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use?...
~ Romans 9:15-16, 20-21 (NASB)
So I’m the new Prayer Coordinator for the PKVUM (Persaudaraan Kristian Varsiti UM).
As I reflect on God’s calling in this area, I think of Jesus’ words to His disciples, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” (Mark 6:31b)
The disciples had come to Him and reported all they had done and taught. Naturally, the crowds also followed and they were so busy with ministry that they did not have a chance to eat (Mark 6:30-31). That is when Jesus called them to solitude.
Henri Nouwen points out that the literal translation of the words ‘pray always’ is ‘come to rest’ (Greek hesychia) and that a hesychast is ‘a man or a woman who seeks solitude and silence as the ways to unceasing prayer.
Experience
Since becoming Prayer Coordinator, I’ve ‘headed’ two activities: the midnight prayer at DTC (Dewan Tunku Canselor) and the three-day morning prayer meetings at KPS (Kompleks Perdanasiswa, i.e. Student Centre). What have I learnt from these?
At DTC, we gathered at the porch while the votes (for the student elections) were being counted. The Aspirasi (pro-Government) squad had not arrived yet, but Gagasan (pro-Opposition) supporters were already there chanting away (as they always do). It was unfortunate that when Aspirasi arrived, they could only blow whistles in a vain attempt to silence Gagasan.
Contrast that with the voice of prayer. We were nowhere as loud as Gagasan or as cacophonous as Aspirasi, yet in our prayer we believe we move the hands of God. We prayed for a just vote count, and Siew Yong (a PKV CG leader from the Science Faculty) pointed out to me that this was the first time in her experience that there was a revote and recount.
Did God answer our prayer?
If at DTC our battle was against the noisy world, then at KPS is was a battle against the sleeping world. It was hard, no doubt, to wake up early for prayer. By the grace of God I did not return to sleep having been awoken by my handphone alarm!
In total 21 came over three days, representing various colleges, faculties, universities (Suit Lin’s friend June from UKM) and even continents (our African brother Evans)!
What Some Said
“It’s a good shift from the routing of saying ‘hi’ first and praying later.”
“It’s true we always tend to think of agendas first.”
“It was my first time sleeping early in many weeks.”
“…coming together in prayers and sharing God’s word—you don’t know gives me joy.”
Prayer so far seems to me a sort of turning of our backs on the rhythm of the world. But the passage in Matthew 6 suggests that prayer can also be at times a turning of our backs on the rhythm of the church. When Jesus called His disciples away, they were in the thick of ministry. Could it be that even in prayer meetings we might forget to pray (i.e. in the hesychastic rather than the shopping-list sense)?
Deeper
…And prayer is more
Than an order of words, the conscious occupation
Of the praying mind, or the sound of the voice praying.
~ T.S. Eliot, from ‘Little Gidding’
A question that has come to mind recently is that of how God can listen not just to millions of people praying at once, but possible thousands praying in different tongues. Just to take one example from my experience, Sunday prayer meetings at 3rd College have been like that, with half of us praying in Mandarin and the other half in English.
Surely then prayer is truly more than ‘an order of words’ as Eliot wrote. Again the hesychastic theme recurs; perhaps prayer is more than sharing and asking, and involves a whole lot of being in God’s presence and of resting in Him who created rest for us.
Challenge
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings…
~ Philippians 3:10 (NIV)
Pastor Henny Sim of SIBPJ asked last Sunday (7 Oct), “Beranikan kita berdoa, ‘Jika saya bersalah, hukumlah saya’? Tetapi melalui hukuman Tuhan kita akan mengenali-Nya.”
To ask that we may share in Christ’s sufferings is to ask to be punished for sin, isn’t it? For Christ suffered for our sins, so to share in His sufferings would mean to ask not just to share in His sufferings for our sins, but also to suffer for the sins of others.
Maybe I’m out on a theological limb here, but just follow me for awhile.
The Pharisees used to have over 600 Sabbath laws, if I remember correctly, and many Christians believe that the New Covenant inaugurated by Christ is an exhortation to obey not the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law. I think they are correct in saying that, but not always aware of what it means.
Christ doesn’t make it easier to obey God, but harder. For instance, do we really understand what it means to obey the spirit of the Sabbath? It’s harder than 600 laws, because the Spirit of God is infinite. At least with 600 laws there’s a limit to what you can’t do. But with the Spirit of God, He calls us to do all that we can do.
The law of the Pharisees was built upon the idea that God would judge based on the evil we do (or don’t do). True enough, for a law of precepts and rules can do only that. But Christ makes it clear that He will judge us also by the good that we fail to do (see Matthew 25:41-46).
So it is harder to obey the spirit of the law simply because we are refusing to be judged by a finite system, and choosing instead to be judged by an infinite God. Talk about jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire; if we cannot even meet the demands of the law, how can we possible survive before the living God?
Baby Steps
I first read Nouwen’s The Way of the Heart in Alor Star. It was one of the most remarkable journeys of my life so far, initiated by the simple fact that SooT couldn’t come for d’NA that year [Stage 3, 2005].
It was also the longest journey I’d ever undertaken (nearly 11 hours by train; I know that can’t match David’s overnighter at the airport!), and I learnt that sometimes the most remarkable transformations take place when the journey is long.
This is for the night I locked Shern Ren out of the room.
This is for the conversation with Tee Ming in the train’s buffet coach.
This is for the prayer on the Alor Star platform at dusk.
Two years down the road, who would’ve guessed that I would possibly be heading a unit/department in which I am nothing but a child?
Here I am, knowing next to nothing about prayer, but learning a little every day. Here I am, hoping to make a difference of some sort in the lives of PKVians and the students of UM at large.
I surrender all
My silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow
Costs me everything
I surrender all
My human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all
~ chorus of Clay Crosse’s ‘I Surrender All’
God has been merciful. Indeed the potter has the right over the clay.
This song has always challenged me, and it always comes back whenever the prospect of building a ‘kingdom’ looms near. I think in my immediate context, letting my kingdoms fall and surrendering all would mean learning to let God lead prayer and, harder still, learning to lead others that we may together let God lead our prayer.
But the Potter knows what He’s doing, so I’ll trust Him.
I have to.
Remember me as we walk together.
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