i put Him at a corner of my life for a year and when i returned, He let me wait. i gave up and told Him that i wasn't bothered to get close to Him anymore. i told Him that i would just go about my regular routine of going to church and serving there as a committee member and reading my Bible and praying -- i'll do all the "doing" but wouldn't be bothered about the "being." i mean, it's quite easy to cover up, already having the reputation of being a spiritually matured person. if He were to speak to me, then good. otherwise, too bad...

a friend and i have been meeting about 4 times a week for the past month to pray for our Youth Fellowship. we prayed with expectancy that YF would grow. subtly, God spoke to me. i didn't even know that He was speaking until i talked to another friend. all that i can say is that He was gracious.

it has been quite tough to support myself in my spiritual life. after a batch of seniors in YF left about a year ago, i felt quite alone in this spiritual journey. nobody in YF was walking alongside me. i have been slacking. some of my principles, i no longer hold on to. part of me feels hypocritical. but everybody doing it anyway. i get rebuked for the things i was never rebuked for. lots of rebellion.

still loving Him, ming