Hearing again... a little at least

You know you've been out of the Blogosphere when you didn't even realise Keat Lim has started blogging.

A little over a year since Akouo started, I wonder if I'm finally deaf enough to hear; if it's quiet enough for sound. It just dawned upon me that 'hearing' implies 'silence', or a higher level of discourse; a different frequency, so to speak.

i put Him at a corner of my life for a year and when i returned, He let me wait. i gave up and told Him that i wasn't bothered to get close to Him anymore. i told Him that i would just go about my regular routine of going to church and serving there as a committee member and reading my Bible and praying -- i'll do all the "doing" but wouldn't be bothered about the "being." i mean, it's quite easy to cover up, already having the reputation of being a spiritually matured person. if He were to speak to me, then good. otherwise, too bad...

a friend and i have been meeting about 4 times a week for the past month to pray for our Youth Fellowship. we prayed with expectancy that YF would grow. subtly, God spoke to me. i didn't even know that He was speaking until i talked to another friend. all that i can say is that He was gracious.

it has been quite tough to support myself in my spiritual life. after a batch of seniors in YF left about a year ago, i felt quite alone in this spiritual journey. nobody in YF was walking alongside me. i have been slacking. some of my principles, i no longer hold on to. part of me feels hypocritical. but everybody doing it anyway. i get rebuked for the things i was never rebuked for. lots of rebellion.

still loving Him, ming

I Pick Up The Pen Again

So much for blogging once a week. I have been staying away from blogs and writing. I’ve spent much of the past two years running away from my writing. Now that I know I am definitely majoring in humanities, I suppose I should stop all this silly self-denial.

I have rarely ventured out into the deep in my spiritual life. It’s as if I have spent most of my life wading in the shallows where I can see and feel the bottom. I want to stay in the place where I know God is a ‘safe’ God, a God who does not have extraordinary things in mind for me. There was a time when I wanted to do great things (though I never really had a clear idea what I would do), but now all I want is to get through the day without having to yell at students. I teach English on weekdays and SAT tuition on Saturdays, and I teach the Bible on Sundays. I’m really tired of teaching. And that’s a sign that I need to get back to why I’m doing all this in the first place. The best times are the times when I know I have come to the end of my strength, when I feel as if I will burst into tears if I have to yell “stop talking!” one more time. Because that’s when I let God step in.

It’s been hard, living away from home, carving a life for myself from the age of sixteen. In all this I have learnt that God’s grace is abounding. No matter how many times I run away, feeling small, shattered and weak, He’s always gently led me back. Even now I feel the gentle insistence of the Holy Spirit, urging me to take with faith the path I’ve always known I should take: to write. With great reluctance, I pick up my pen again.