i opened Your Word to find direction, but i failed to hear Your voice. i slam the book shut, frustrated. i sat down to pray, but i felt like i was talking to space. i took a walk to feel the breeze, but the leaves stood still.

i told myself that i will be angry with You. i've been seeking You earnestly for the past 3 weeks, but You still refuse to show Your face. You refuse to grant me intimacy with You! others can curse You and be angry with You. why can't i?

as i lay in bed, i tried to plant hatred towards God in my mind. i tried to think of all the injustice He had done to me. soon, i ran out of words against Him, but chose to hate Him anyway. as i lay in bed to sleep, i told myself that i will take a long time to fall asleep because of all the hatred that i had intentionally build up in me, but i opened my eyes the next second to the darkness of the morning. and there, the first word that came to my mouth were praises to Him. i couldn't hate Him, however hard i tried. He wouldn't let me!