Giving Up

i wonder whether i'm the only one out the 6 of us who's wrestling with God. everybody's putting up posts about spiritual growth and disciplines, while all i've been typing for the past 4 weeks is my state of lostness in this Chirstian life.

after one and a half months of struggling in getting back into a close relationship with Christ, i feel like giving up. i feel as if i want to just be contented with my relationship with Him now which is knowing that i'm in His will but not hearing Him, feeling His presence or having any excitement for Him. i won't give up the faith, but i do feel like giving up on serving.

i'm struggling with the other youth leaders in YF. i just can't seem to communicate with them. whatever i do, i don't get support from them. it seems like i'm running a one-man show with all the younger ones under me. why don't the YF just break up and they can run one group while i run the other. alternatively, i'll just back out and let them lead. maybe i'll be even happier that way. no responsibilities. i've to keep backing up those young ones in the committee and defend all the arrows that are targeted towards them through me. why not just let go? retreat and let them take over. i've not been hearing God anyway.

i can't be silent for long nowadays. just a few minutes being silent or praying, then my mind wanders off somewhere. i'll tell myself that there's no point in having this quiet time and i'll just go off and do something else.

led worship yesterday with the songs 'His strength is perfect' by steven curtis chapman and 'thank you Lord for the trials that come my way...' i didn't sing these songs for fun. i really want to mean it, but i don't want to strive anymore. when i was preparing to lead worship, i didn't really hear God. i did spend some 2 hours preparing but the choice of songs seemed to be from me--what i felt like singing.

this whole week, i've been baking cookies to sell to church members to raise funds for johor flood victims. on the first or second day of baking, i started having toothache, which i later found out to be a serious cavity. still i had to continue for the rest of the week. then yesterday after returning from YF where i led worship, i finally came down with fever. my toothache was the cause of this and headache. at least my responsibilities were over. but still, where was God in all this? after doing everything, the main reason for doing these seem to be invisible in the picture.

i don't feel like bothering about trying to sit in silence and wait upon Him anymore. i don't feel as if i'll ever be on high for Him anymore. will i just by this end my growth in Christ? will this be the end just like many "Sunday adults" now who've once had a fervor for God? something tells me no, but what do i have to do on my part?


BLESSED

Blessed are those who dwell in Your house.
They are ever praising You.
Blessed are those whose strength is in You.
Whose hearts are set on our God.

We will go from strength to strength,
‘Til we see You face to face.

CHORUS
Hear our prayer, O Lord God Almighty.
Come bless our land, as we seek You,
Worship You.

BRIDGE
For You are holy.
For You are holy.
For You are holy, Lord.

Honesty II

I have been reading two Psalms each day for quiet time; right now I am at Psalm 108.

The Psalms is a collection of songs to the Lord which encompasses the whole range of human emotion, from elation to anguish, from anger to sorrowful repentance. Look at the uninhibited cries of despair in Psalm 88:

O LORD, the God who saves me,
day and night I cry out before you.
May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.
For my soul is full of trouble
and my life draws near the grave.
I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like a man without strength.

I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.
You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.
Your wrath lies heavily upon me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do those who are dead rise up and praise you
Is your love declared in the grave,
your faithfulness in Destruction?
Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?
But I cry to you for help, O LORD;
in the morning my prayer comes before you
Why, O LORD, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?
From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death;
I have suffered your terrors and am in despair.
Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend.

I don't know how it is in the Hebrew, but in this translation the last line has a terrifying ring of finality in the way it ends so abruptly. In general, the Psalms end fairly upbeat, in the style of "though my sorrow may last for a night, His joy comes in the morning," but this particular Psalm has the usual expected ending choked off by a vision of the encircling darkness.

But is it a menacing, malicious darkness? Are the previous cries of the Psalmist's heart accusations at all? Though there is deep sorrow and anguish in this lament, there is no tone of bitterness, nothing which indicates a sense of betrayal. The psalmist reaches no real conclusion in this outburst, except for the one he started out with: this is “the Lord, the God who saves [him].”

This Psalm is in fact a prayer (as all the Psalms are), a fact indicated near the beginning in the line “may my prayer come before you.” I am in awe of this prayer. This is not a prayer that starts in an affirmation of God’s greatness, holiness, or goodness; the person who prayed this prayer threw all conventions out of the window in the face of extreme anguish. He just assumed God’s goodness and readiness to hear his prayer—this faith released him to fully express his state of despair and isolation. I find that often I do not have the courage or honesty to bring all of myself before God. Somehow I assume that a good Christian ought to feel good before God—whatever “good” might mean. This is why I pray through journaling sometimes, because it forces me to be honest about how I really feel about God and about my life.

Worship: Experience and Expression

We are probably familiar with the well-known predicament of singing worship songs without meaning the words, or 'with our hearts elsewhere'; we've probably sat in on discussions on the subject of wallpaper worshippers; we're likely part of that very wallpaper at times too.

But I wonder, can't worship also be a way to release pent-up emotions?

One night at d'NA Stage 3, we sang that song whose chorus goes "...I will go to the ends of the earth, to the ends of the earth..." and Michael said something to the effect of, "Why do you all sing 'to the ends of the earth' when even 'to the end of the street' is something most of us would find hard to do?"

Subsequently I became very conscious of the lyrics of many songs we take for granted.

But lately, I think I'm beginning to appreciate my Pentecostal roots. There is something in the loud worship that reminds me so much of U2 concerts (although personally, the former falls short of the latter in musical terms :-P), and the thing about U2 is that they try to capture a feeling, an emotion, whenever they perform live.

On the day that U2 lead singer Bono's father died, the band were scheduled to perform that very night. They didn't cancel, and Bono considered that concert a liberating experience in the midst of such grief.

And to me, though sometimes we may not mean the words (or may not even know what the words mean!), I think there is something liberating about the act of singing. Lately I've learnt to enjoy that 'ends of the earth' song simply as a song, and it really feels much better that way, rather than sitting in the congregation feeling more guilt than anything else over the relative impossibility of the words.

I guess it isn't limited to the Pentecostal experience; there is also something mystical about the Orthodox church, something less about the logic and more about the feeling and the presence of the whole worship experience.

Streams of living water, not merely to analyse... but to drink, and to drink deeply.

Accountability

i'm still continuing in my pursue for God but not close. i don't know how to put it. maybe you guys could pray for me. or even better, pray with me. would like to let you guys know that my mentor, paul long is migrating to new zealand tomorrow. i'm a spiritual orphan now. not that i'll die or anything, but i really treasured that mentoring relationship. i'm looking for accountability partners now. can i look to you 5 for that? or are we already accountable to each other. coz i don't really feel it. anybody up for proper accountability?

"I am the Way"

Sometimes a thought grips you such that you cannot allow it to go unwritten, or in this case, unblogged.

I will be sitting for my Driving Test this Friday, and having seen virtually all my friends get their licences before me, I've heard numerous stories about the test, including the ubiquitous tales of bribery. And as I prepare for my turn, I can't help but ponder this question.

Uncle Philip, my instructor (the same one who taught Audrey) told me not to worry. He said he'd talk to the JPJ officer(s). I don't know if he means that I don't need to bribe, or if he's somehow included money for the bribe in the fees he's been charging me all this while.

As far as I'm concerned, the fees are reasonable enough; my piano and art teachers were far more exorbitant compared to the fees charged by commercial music and art centres.

But while I was walking my dogs after today's driving lesson, two things came to mind: Frederick Buechner's essay 'The Road Goes On' and Jesus' words of reinstation to Peter.


Buechner quotes Tolkien's Bilbo Baggins in that essay;

The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the road has gone,
And I must follow if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then?
I cannot say.

And he ends with these words;

The world is full of dark shadows to be sure, both the world without and the world within, and the road we've all set off on is long and hard and often hard to find, but the word is trust. Trust the deepest intuitions of your own heart. Trust the source of your own truest gladness. Trust the road. Above all else, trust him. Trust him. Amen.


Here is the account in the Gospel of John:

The third time [Jesus] said to [Peter], "Simon son of John, do you love me?"

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"

--John 21:17-19 (NIV)


What I realised was this: there are times when we will be lead where we do not want to go. I'm not directly referring to driving and bribery, but I realised that I was allowing fear to take over me. And yet here we find that Jesus' commission to Peter was hardly encouraging: what kind of leader tries to spur his follower on with a foretaste of death?

Am I sometimes being led where I do not want to go? And yet the road 'goes ever on and on'. Buechner opened his essay with the famous John 14:6 verse;

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life."

He is the God of the road, the God of the way. The God who is the way. Of what should I be afraid? Even when we are led where we do not want to go, there is nothing to fear. Not because God is there, or even because God sends us, but in a mysterious way, God is the path we take. And so as the proverb-writer said, the steps of the wise are directed by God.


He is the God of the path, the God of the petal shower. The God of the petal-showered path.

Amen.

Corporate Prayer

As I was reflecting on prayer and my prayer life a couple of days ago, I noted that though I have become more regular and disciplined in prayer and learned to spend more time in prayer since coming to Calvin College, there was something missing. Something I had been dimly aware for some time but could not quite put my finger on. Something that is not even in many books about prayer.

I haven't prayed together with someone else in a really long time.

Oh, we pray in Bible study and in accountability group. We have corporate prayer in church. I even attend chapel where Tuesdays are reserved for prayer. But I haven't gotten together with a group for the purpose of prayer.

Much of what I have learned about prayer, I have learned from praying with my family, with my CF, with my YF leaders, with church members at prayer meetings. I consider these to be more valuble than the talks and books I have heard and read about prayer. The talks and books helped me to understand prayer, but praying with more experience "pray-ers" taught me how to pray.

I miss the intimacy I have felt with others, knowing we are of one mind and heart, desiring the same things. I miss affirming the prayers of others and having mine affirmed in return. I miss being able to pause in prayer and have someone else take over - it is a little harder to pause and rest in prayer when there is dead silence. Without something to focus on, my mind tends to wander.

The Barnabas leaders (student Christian leaders/mentors) in my dorm tried to get a prayer group together last semester. It fell through because they picked a bad time to start (two weeks before finals is not a good time to try to get people to do something). Perhaps it is time for round two?

i opened Your Word to find direction, but i failed to hear Your voice. i slam the book shut, frustrated. i sat down to pray, but i felt like i was talking to space. i took a walk to feel the breeze, but the leaves stood still.

i told myself that i will be angry with You. i've been seeking You earnestly for the past 3 weeks, but You still refuse to show Your face. You refuse to grant me intimacy with You! others can curse You and be angry with You. why can't i?

as i lay in bed, i tried to plant hatred towards God in my mind. i tried to think of all the injustice He had done to me. soon, i ran out of words against Him, but chose to hate Him anyway. as i lay in bed to sleep, i told myself that i will take a long time to fall asleep because of all the hatred that i had intentionally build up in me, but i opened my eyes the next second to the darkness of the morning. and there, the first word that came to my mouth were praises to Him. i couldn't hate Him, however hard i tried. He wouldn't let me!

Honesty

I find it difficult to be honest with myself. I blame the repercussions of modernity. Modern science and modern philosophy is skeptical of anything non-material, often intellectually negating the presence of the spiritual realm. This has created a culture that doesn’t see a need for God who is the source of existence. We only apprehend a need to interpret existence through the human mind, which leads us to rationalize our problems rather than bring them before God.

What have I just done? I have rationalized my problem. I took it in terms of my cultural context and found a place to lay the blame.

Let’s try again:

There are many reasons why it is difficult to tell myself the truth about me. The first glaringly obvious one is that I do not know the truth of myself. It is too big to take in at a glance. It sounds like a rather egocentric view, but in essence the part that is to big to grasp is our capacity for relationships. Our ability to view and interpret scientific or social relationships is something which makes us different from animals. In some ineffable way, we humans are linked to eternity—we also have a spiritual relationship. We have a relationship with the living God, whether we are aware of it or not. We may know nearly everything there is to know about the anatomy and chemistry of the human body, but many claim to know nothing about what happens after death. If the world continues for more eons, science will eventually exhaust its fields of research. What more can be known about living, and what more can be done to extend the length of our lives? But we can never come to the end of knowing God.

So I started with trying to know myself and ended with knowing God. It seems that if I really want to know the me beyond the atoms and electrical impulses, the person I need to know is God, who created me and knows me. Anyway, if God created everything, from the natural laws to the creatures governed by them, then there is no knowledge which is apart from God. I mean to say that God is the source of all knowledge, not that God is all knowledge in the pantheistic sense. “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free,” etc.

Still Wandering

Alissa, Soo Tian, David and Tee Ming have all put up entries here over the past week. I suppose it is my turn now.

I've been very busy adjusting to the life of a (substitute) Biology teacher in school, and haven't had much time to actually sit and read and write and think, short of sending two letters to friends in NS: Yen Mii in Bentong, Pahang, and Wei-Xun in Mersing, Johor.

One theme that keeps recurring in my life lately is Discipleship. As I mentioned on my blog, I bought Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship but haven't had time to read it yet. The only book I'm reading at the moment is A Room Called Remember, a collection of Frederick Buechner's uncollected essays.

I don't know if it's just a phase--actually, everything is more or less a phase since life is so short--but I seem to be wandering once again. While Alissa and Ming have set forth their New Year resolutions, I've only resolved up to 31st December 2006. This year is, so far, just an adventure in which I'm taking each day as it comes--no long-term plans whatsoever. Yet.

Maybe I've just been too busy. Or maybe this is the way I want to live for now. Just wandering and enjoying all that life has to throw at me.

There was a time when almost everything I wrote was of a reflective, theological nature. I think that was in 2004, on the now defunct mBlog. Then by the end of that year I had switched over to Blogger. Also, there was TM Squared. The last two years saw a gradual increase in photoblogging, with theology being somewhat more sporadic. And now, I somehow feel it's time to give my brain a little more headroom.

When I decided to be more reserved at d'NA Stage 3, Michael said he didn't think that was the way I was supposed to be. That is true; I still enjoy conversation and discussion, but not so much the 'weighty' and 'meaty' stuff as I used to. The recent trip to Seremban is a case in point ('case in point'... is this the right phrase?); those present would likely testify that it was a somewhat different Ben in Seremban.

Or perhaps nothing has really changed, and I'm just the same. Everything is just the same. I don't really know. Even familiar surroundings can feel alien at times, and there is always something familiar about even the most foreign of environments.

Frederick Buechner wrote in his preface to A Room Called Remember, "Even at our most believing, I think, we have our serious reservations just as even at our most unbelieving we tend to cast a wistful glance over our shoulders."

I am somewhere in between, neither at my most believing nor most unbelieving, which probably means I have serious reservations and cast wistful glances in a more or less balanced amount and intensity. Which, I suppose, makes me some sort of disciple, some sort of follower; never quite sure what on earth or in heaven or in hell I am doing on this road, but too hopeful to leave it.

Let us listen, let us hear. Akouo.

I love You, my Lord Jesus!

It has been two weeks since my silent retreat with Alissa. it is true, i found God there. At least, i knew that i could return to Him. i know that He was just calling me home to Him.

I had been serving in youth and doing my devotions without experiencing Him. i've been praying words based on the truth of his Word and His promises, yet i never really expected from Him. i've never really believed that His promises were for me. What a waste! After all the experiences and knowledge he has given me, all could offer was just empty words which impressed others. how could the ministry i led have grown when i did not?

last year crashed down on me after STPM, when i realised how empty and undirected i was. i had been busy studying and praying that God would give me the strength and perseverance to study my target of 8 hours a day. "He cannot deny Himself." He remained faithful and granted me my request. and there i was after STPM thinking that i would be relieved, but it striked me that i was not. the freedom i had expected did not come. i was struggling to find out where i was and what i was going to do next. life felt so messy. i had not allowed God to talk to me.

i felt His assurance to return to him at the retreat. there i made a commitment to spend time to wait upon Him each day. yet maybe it has been too long since i sat silently in his presence. i came home happy but i couldn't spend the amount of time i used to be able to spend with Him. i still struggle to recover that intimacy with Him. each night, i persevere in reading His Word despite feeling that distance between us. i know that one day i will feel intimate once more.

another thing i'm struggling with is the discipline of fasting. i have not fasted for at least 4 months. and i can't bring myself to it now. i have nobody to encourage me on and i just can't decide to do it. i pray for friends and for accountability partners.

my post is quite disorganised. i'm still partially lost. i'm waiting to see what God has in store for me. i am still His and will remain His forever. I love You, my Lord Jesus! hear my declaration and my cry.

Change

It seems to me that most of us do not expect real change. We do not expect others to change, nor do we expect ourselves to change. We speak of praying, reading the Bible, and practicing other spiritual disciplines. Sometimes, we do not only speak of these things but actually do them.

Yet, when we do these things and nothing much seems to happen, we often accept that as the norm. There is a little frustration, a little questioning, and then resignation. When change does occur, we are shocked! In a way, that is an appropriate response - God's grace is amazing; nonetheless, does not our lack of expectancy betray a lack of belief that God will transform us?

An irate young man attends church. He has grown up in a Christian family. He attends church faithfully, belongs to a small group, even has regular devotions. Yet, his grumpiness does not change. He gets a job and becomes a husband and a father, but his irritability does not change. He ends up a grumpy old man. Nobody at church is surprised! Nobody asks: what is wrong with this picture? Of course he should not behave like this. Of course he should know better. But, he goes to church, he attends a small group, he reads the Bible and prays, so let us not worry too much about the rest.

Let us not worry too much about the rest?! If decades of attending church, reading the Bible, and praying do not result in change, something is desperately wrong. And yet, we often fail to notice the problem: we settle for having a form of religion but not it's power.

There are, however, a few groups of people that, regardless of denomination or church, seem to experience change more often than others:

Children. We expect children to change! We realize that children are not yet fully developed, that they have lessons to learn, and so we expect them to change. Children tend to be responsive and have yet to develop a cynicism that causes the rest of us to question the possibility of change. They also tend not to question the need for change - in fact, most can't seem to wait to grow up!

Youth. For all our stubbornness (when Thomas Edison was asked what advice he would give to youth, he said: "Youth doesn't take advice), youth have one quality that is vital to change: belief. Youth tend to believe that anything is possible. We are invincible, indomitable, and we go about everything with a gung-ho attitude. We often bite off far more than we can chew and adults often complain about "hangat hangat tahi ayam," but on occasion, our recklessness actually allows us to accomplish more than anyone thinks possible! Our belief that anything is possible is often misplaced; yet, that belief is necessary for change.

New converts. New converts look at the Christian life with a fresh perspective. It is new and desirable to them. Additionally, they tend to realize their desperate need to change whereas we Christians, leading the same kind of life may think we are doing just fine. There is a gratefulness and a realization of freedom. There are high expectations of the new life that God offers. Unfortunately, we human beings cannot seem to sustain gratefulness, realization of freedom, and expectation for long. A study showed that the average Christian will tell more people about Christ in the first six months after conversion that he will in the rest of his life. It would not be surprising if there is a correlation between that and change.

If only change were as easy as mentally visualizing it, logically organizing it, and verbalizing it with a blog post. And yet change we must. Change we must and continually changing we must be, if we are to be attractive and effective witnesses to those around us.

Fires of Justice and Love

For Christmas, I received a devotional book with the title "Breakfast for the Soul". It contains more than a hundred little devotionals from various Christian authors. The funny thing was Liz found it at the cookery books section in Popular. Brilliant work of sorting indeed.

Today's reading was one by A. W. Tozer. In it he wrote:

"The truth is that God is the most winsome of all beings and His service one of unspeakable pleasure. He is all love, and those who trust Him need never know anything but that love. He is just, indeed, and He will not condone sin; but through the blood of the everlasting covenant He is able to act toward us exactly as if we had never sinned. Toward the trusting sons of men His mercy will always triumph over justice."

As of late, I've been confronted with a few views of God. From what I see, we can either emphasize God's justice or his grace.

When we emphasize God's justice (some would prefer the word "righteousness"), then we have notions of punishment and divine retribution. Over the years, I believe my image of God has been changed from one who is a harsh parental figure to a more loving one. Just last Friday, as usual I went for lunch at a family friend's house. While we were there our host shared with us about two .mp3 files he had gotten hold of a prophecy against Malaysia by an American modern-day prophetess, Nita Johnson. According to her, Malaysians are guilty of the sin of compromise, which has crippled our sharing of the gospel. Thus God is not pleased and intends to punish us for our fault(s). I listened to about 50 minutes of the first .mp3 file, wondering, "Does God still operate - assuming he did in the Old Testament - in this manner? Can all the calamities in this world today be interpreted in the light of chastisement from the heavens?"

To reconcile the beliefs that God is both love and justice, sometimes I think of God as a parent who almost unwillingly disciplines his children. This God punishes the ones he loves with great inner distress, almost saying, "This is hurting me more than this is hurting you!"

But is this a cop-out? Or worse, a distorted picture of God?

Let me quote again the last line of the excerpt from my devotional by Tozer:

"Toward the trusting sons of men His mercy will always triumph over justice."

Is this emphasis on God's love a watering down of the gospel? Is it an inaccurate portrayal of the God who is holy, who is righteous, who is fair and who is just? Is this a God who is like a grandparent, offering candy at every opportunity, forgiving his naughty grandchildren easily and doting on them -- almost to the state of abscess? Is a good God one who just overlooks our iniquities? Is that really good? Is all of this possible simply because Christ died for us and our relationship with God is now no longer the same as before?

Brian McLaren in his controversial book "The Last Word and the Word after That" suggested that after God's "final" word of justice ("The Last Word"), there's always the word of grace ("the Word after That"). How exactly this works out he does not attempt to theorize, but the idea in itself is an intriguing one, one that fills me with a certain amount of hope.

I pray that over time, I shall find some answers as I wrestle with this issue.

Tee Ming and I have decided to start blogging as a spiritual discipline. We will blog at least once a week for this year about our walk with God. The posts do not have to be long or deep—as long as we write something. This is simultaneously an attempt to redeem akouo from inactivity.

Due to the downed cable in Taiwan, I could not upload this earlier. So here it is now:

Reflections For The Year 2006
30/12/2006

This year I experienced loss, and unknowingly went through the five stages of response to death: denial/shock, bargaining, anger, depression and finally, acceptance. I did not see this until the final stage, when I truly accepted my aunt’s death. In all my experience of life, I find that I never really know what path I have taken until I have walked it and turn to look back. That is the wisdom of hindsight. But the only way to “take note of the highway” as we walk along it, is to take our wisdom from the Word: “Your Word is a lamp unto my path and a light unto my feet.” And the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. The end of wisdom? To live out our true selves as children of God created in His image for His glory.

I come out of this year feeling like a broken-winged butterfly in the Creator’s hands. A silly butterfly, who flew into a thicket of thorns and had to be extracted by the tender hands of the person she was flying away from. This year I did a foolish thing and trusted my judgment over God’s. I didn’t like the pain He was making me go through so I went to look for my own palliatives. A principle to remember: such an attitude results in self-inflicted pain which is the worst kind possible, I would think. Next, nobody does on purpose what they consider to be foolish. As a teacher of the Word, I already knew this (harsher judgment on teachers, yikes!) but I was living recklessly. This was the year I lapsed in every discipline, from emailing mentors, friends and prayer partners to quiet time and prayer. That is why next year will be a year of constant self-checks through weekly blogging and through accountability with mentors.

One of the things I love best about life is that it can be shared. Writing and talking is only communication. But in Christ, we have a heavenly participant in all earthly communication—every conversation is overheard in heaven and becomes a prayer. Sharing lives is not just telling others about it; it is done through caring, through prayer, through a communication that is really a communion with Christ and with the church. Happy blogging everyone! I hope akouo really takes off next year.